Remember that story about the truck boobs?
The one I literally just wrote?
Where the ad company just wanted to see how much attention boobs would attract?
But they didn’t put an actual ad on it?
Even though I went out of my way to say how great the whole debacle could have been for preventing further distraction-related crashes, I think I may officially have another advertisement for these for wheeled torpedoes:
Japanese boob shooting sex dolls.
Sounds obvious, right? Wrong. Not when you consider the fact that a new Japanese sex doll has been imbued with a special capacity to shoot red wine and sake (and pretty much any other libation) from her girls (and the truck ad looks like headless Chesty’s aiming to fire) That’s right, boys. They ain’t just for milk anymore – because this this new bish’s cup runneth over.
I’d like to take this moment to apologize for the fact that I can’t embed the actual video here. Even though it’s just a doll, corporate will show up at my home with a flaming tire, drape it around my neck, affix a rope to my feet, their pickup to the other, and drag me through the streets of my suburban residential area as my neighbors take no notice, save for maybe a glance and a Kanye shrug. At least that’s what happened the last time I crossed them.
So we’ve gotta be careful with the chesketballs – espesh the rosy bits.
However, I do have this censored still for ya:
(I kept the hearts pink. #RebelWithoutaBra)
And a link to the viddy, in case you want to watch an Asian man molest Pinnochiette with his stubby little fingers that are probably just relieved to be getting a reprieve from pressing the buttons on the subway vending machines that dispense used girl panties. (Yes. That’s a thing).
Two points on that video:
1. The robot narrator could totes be the voice of beer boob bot.
2. The nip Pinot looks like the punchline reply to “How do True Blood vampires nurse?”
Ya know, I always wondered – what is it with these Asian fetishes? But I think I get it now. The harder we work and the more restricted we are in what fun we can have and how much we can let our hair down, the more alluring we make the forbidden fruit (and the more we amplify the cray factor in private). Sex is a natural thing and trying to convince everyone it’s dirty just perverts it.
Aaand suddenly I’m reminded of the opening scene for that one H.O.C. episode.
All of my fingerwagging aside, I’m still thinking how cool it’d be if I got one’a these, specially made so the boobs can shoot out two different flavors of fruit punch or green drink, with the streams meeting in the middle – as if competing for the first spot on my tongue. Then, when Apple comes out with a version of my femme bot (shouldn’t be long now), I can marry it, upload my music onto her, and remain faithful to her forever until we die -living our lives out like Anne Sexton’s Mother Gothel meets the end scene of Grapes of Wrath.
And if anyone dares come between us, I’ll hit them with my truck.
And that truck will have a giant blue ribboned boob ad on it, that reads:
“What cup size are we? Who needs a cup – when you can drink straight from the source?”
*Look out for iLac – the libation lactating bot. Coming soon.*