I don’t disagree.
Does anyone disagree with this? No? Good. ‘cause science has found a way.
Or… at least it’s almost found a way.
I know, I know – they’ve been saying that they’ve “almost” concocted their dude catered anti-zygotic remedy for ages now. Sexist to put all the power in your potential co-creators’ hands and ovaries, isn’t it? But this time, they’re f’real – because they’ve already tested it on lab rats who collectively passed with flying colors, and now, they’re currently testing it on baboons.
But(t) they need time to pass with flying colors too.
Technically, this innovation called “Vasalgel” isn’t a pill at all, but as you probably guessed by now (durr, because of the name) it’s a gel. As benign as that sounds, the gel actually gets injected into the vas deferens (ouch – still sound good?) like a temporary vasectomy that plugs (versus irreversibly severing) your baby making weapon. While the gel barrier will be effective for several years, the idea is that it can be nixed later on with the simple fix of a doctor visit. Homie will just go in and, flush the stuff out, and send you on your way. This is nice, because once you finally start seeing a grey hair or three and feeling the old generativity vs. stagnation set in, you can hit the hospital, extract your gelatinous flack jacket, and then you and your flesh rifle can reload before going home to turn wifey’s uterus into a shooting range.
And that’s the part they’re still trying to work on and perfect as we speak – seeing if our monkey cousins pass the cock-block reversal test. Otherwise, if it doesn’t work, you might as well just pay for the nip/tuck thing that already exists. So far, the gel is working – but if our simian testers manage to knock up some strange after getting flushed of the gel, then it finally heads to human trials.
Then it goes on the market sometime around 2016 for you to purchase.
Then it’s off to the races.
You can raw dog that race with the rando from the club right up, to, and past the explosive messy finish line. And win the grand prize of gonorrhea. #falsesenseofsecurity
Honestly, though, once this comes out I just want to see a gag reel of dudes awkwardly asking female doctors about this for the first time. Many moon-cycles ago, I just said, “Oh, it’s for period cramps” (literally the only time that’s been useful) because I was still a teenager and trying to hide from my mom (for whatever stupid reason) the fact that I was fornicating with toys I didn’t understand while swinging from chandeliers in homes I didn’t know who they belonged to. I suppose that’s a benefit of getting old. Now she, my doctor, and I can talk openly about all’a that stuff.
Along with everything else.
Are you a human man? Do you have a penis?
Please apply for the human trials and report your experience back here?